


Slowly finding myself through you

by orphan_account



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Eddie Diaz, Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz Week, Eddie Goes to Therapy, Established Relationship, M/M, Mr. Diaz Goes to Therapy, and eddie might be starting to believe that, buck wants eddie to know he's going to be there for him forever, but what i meant is that he's getting better through the support of his family, eddie's insecurities and abandoment issues come up when he's talking with frank, frank tells him maybe he should talk to buck about it, i don't know how to tag, i don't like this but oh well, i know the title implies it's thanks to buck he's finding himself, like emotionally better, love that journey for him, or - Freeform, this is supposed to be for day 2 of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:41:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24754132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Eddie had been going to therapy since the street fighting accident. On and off, but it was still a constant in his life. Usually, once every two weeks he would meet Frank and he would talk about whatever he needed to talk.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 115





	Slowly finding myself through you

**Author's Note:**

> this is bad but i haven't really been writing and i wanted to do something so here we are
> 
> also, this was done while i was really tired and edited while i was also really tired so there might be some mistakes

Eddie had been going to therapy since the street fighting accident. On and off, but it was still a constant in his life. Usually, once every two weeks he would meet Frank and he would talk about whatever he needed to talk. 

There wasn’t much to talk about anymore. The job had been uncharacteristically calm, his parents had been to LA for a quick visit last month and didn’t say anything about Eddie and Christopher returning to Texas. And the best thing of all, Buck and Eddie were reaching their two year anniversary. 

They got together after May’s graduation party. It wasn’t planned and it was unexpected. Well, not exactly unexpected but it was a surprise, mostly for the suddenness of how it happened. 

After Buck drove him and a sleeping Chris to his house and stayed there to make sure they were okay, Eddie, to his own surprise, had rushed in and kissed him before he could say goodbye. 

That first kiss had gotten a little heated and Buck was the one to break it, pulling Eddie’s insisting hands away. He looked wrecked, his hair a curly mess, his lips swollen, his shirt half open, and Eddie would have been embarrassed by his neediness, but at that moment he couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

It all went pretty natural after that. They talked that same night, agreed that they both wanted to try whatever that was. Eddie had to restrain himself to not jump on top of Buck and kiss him senseless. But they figured it out. 

Almost two years together and they had fight only a handful of times. They understood each other and Eddie appreciated that. Buck knew him and loved him the way he was, and loved Christopher so much anyone that didn’t know him, would think he was his own son. 

But there was always doubt in Eddie’s mind. And recently it was louder and louder and apparently Frank noticed something was different. 

“Do you have anything on your mind you’d like to talk about?” He asked, placing down his notebook and looking at Eddie, not pushing further.

“I think Buck wants to move in.” He said after a moment of silence, trying to quiet the mean voices on his head. 

“Well, that’s great, isn’t it? From what you’ve told me, he’s there most of the time, it wouldn’t be much of a problem.” Frank stated. He knew how to make Eddie talk without overwhelming him with questions, waiting patiently for the perfectly thought answer he would come up with. 

“Yes, but he’s not been living with me. He can come and go whenever he wants.” Eddie answered, looking at the floor. The thoughts in his head flying loose and making a nest of worry and doubt. 

He noted the use of ‘me’ on Eddie’s words. “You think he won’t want to stay there after he moves in? That he’ll want to leave?” 

“I think he likes the idea of moving in, but he won’t like actually living with me all day, every day.” Eddie seemed to sink into the couch, every negative on his mind tearing his confident front down, piece by piece.

“Why? Has he given you a reason to think that?” Frank inquired, trying to be as direct as he could without pushing the wrong buttons. 

“No. But that’s the thing, isn’t that what always happens?” He looks up, eyes cold and piercing, memories feeding his own insecurities. “Something always goes wrong.” 

“If you go looking for trouble, you’ll find it.” Frank said, trying to make contact with Eddie’s deflecting eyes. “You’ve told me that Buck is different, that he understands you and doesn’t expect anything that you’re not willing to give. That he loves Christopher, and that he loves you. He stays with you almost every day now, why making it official would change anything?” 

Eddie winced slightly, taken aback by Frank’s question. He seemed to ponder for a moment, before looking up again. 

“I’m scared he’ll feel trapped and get tired of me.” He admitted. He knew everything his mind told him wasn’t true, but it was still hard to ignore something that is constantly there telling you you’re not enough. 

“Have you talked to him about how you feel?” Frank asked and Eddie shook his head. He bit his lip nervously, already knowing what Frank was about to say. 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to help you with this concern. I know why you feel like that and I think you know too, we can keep talking about it. But I can’t help you figure out how Buck will feel. The only way to know that, is to talk to Buck yourself. Tell him how you feel and see how things go.” Frank spoke and Eddie sighed, knowing he was right. 

*********

When he got home, the first thing he heard was low music coming from the kitchen. He walked in quietly and found Buck, cheerfully bouncing his head to the beat while washing the dishes.

Eddie smiled to himself, leaning on the wall and admiring his boyfriend’s energy flowing around the room.  
He didn’t have to be there, cleaning, cooking, doing anything other than being there to spend some time with Chris and Eddie. And Christopher wasn’t even there yet, he was still at school. But Buck wanted to be there, and that always warmed Eddie’s heart and dissipated some of his worry.

“I hope you’re hungry.” Buck’s voice made him jump and he straightened his stance. So caught up in his head, he never noticed Buck looking back at him. He closed the water, dried his hands and turned the music off. “Were you enjoying the view?” He joked, leaning on the table and pulling Eddie in by his shirt. Eddie went happily, placing his hands on Buck’s waist and kissing his softly. 

Buck knew him, he knew he spoke through actions. And even though he’s been trying to be more vocal about how he feels, he knew Buck understood every touch he gives. 

Once they pull apart, Buck hold his face close, staring at his eyes. “Everything okay with Frank?” He asked. Eddie threw his head against his shoulder and sighed as an answer. Buck hummed. “Wanna talk about it?” 

“Yeah.” Eddie said, and if Buck was surprised, he hid it very nicely. Because Eddie had been working on voicing his emotions, but that doesn’t mean he talked about what he talked with Frank outside of their private sessions.

Buck took his hand and led them to the living room. They both sat on the couch, facing each other and with their hands still intertwined. 

“Whenever you’re ready.” Buck said, squeezing his hand gently, as a reassuring gesture. Eddie smiled at him and sighed, gathering all the open vulnerability in him before he started to talk. 

“I told Frank I was scared.” He started, feeling the bitter and familiar feeling of talking openly about something he was insecure about. “I know you want to move in but I...I’m scared you’ll get tired of me once you don’t have the option to just, leave whenever you want.” He admitted, trying not to bite his tongue before finishing everything he wanted to say. “He told me if I wanted to know how you’ll feel, I’d have to ask you.” 

Buck nodded, still holding his hand. Eddi was thankful for that touch, it made him feel a little more sure about what he was doing. After a moment, Buck spoke. 

“Do you want me to move in?” He asked, carefully inspecting his face.

“Of course I do.” Eddie answered quickly, not a moment of doubt or a hesitant tone. Buck smiled softly, raising his other hand and cupping Eddie’s face gently. He gave Eddie a soft kiss and pulled back, stroking his cheek. 

“I want to move in, only if you and Chris want that too, because I love you both with everything in me. I will be forever grateful that you let me into your family with open arms and allowed me to be here with you and for you since the beginning.” Eddie’s lips curved at Buck’s statement and fond gaze. “I’ll never get tired of you. I have loved you even before I realized it myself. I know you won’t believe that now but luckily, I plan on proving that every day for the rest of my life, if you’ll let me.” 

Eddie had a huge grin on his face and the sight made Buck smile too. He pulled Buck in for a slow, tender kiss, filled with every bit of love he felt for him. 

When they pulled away, Buck held him close for a moment, staring at his eyes with a serious look. 

“I really love you. And if you’re not ready now for me to move in, I’ll wait. Okay? There’s no rush or ultimátum, I’ll wait for you.” He reassured him one more time. Eddie nodded, lacking the words to describe how he felt in that moment. He leaned in and kissed him one more time, lingering there a little longer. 

Buck made a pleased sound as they pulled away, a small smile on his face. “I would love to continue this, but I was making lunch and I’m pretty sure if I let the sauce cook any longer it’ll consume itself.” He joked, giving Eddie one quick peck on the lips before standing up. “Pick something to watch?” He said, looking down at Eddie. 

Eddie nodded. He picked up the remote and turned the TV on, changing channels but still unable to focus enough to know what was on them.

“Eddie?” Buck called from the kitchen, silence followed so Eddie spoke up.

“Yeah?” 

“I love you!” Buck answered, followed by a happy laugh. Eddie couldn’t help the uncontainable grin that appeared on his face once again.

“Love you too.” He answered, not sure if loud enough for Buck to hear, but with all the meaning behind it. 

He might have some issues with his confidence and self-worth, and he might always will, but he would be fine. He was sure of that. He had his family helping him and supporting him through the journey and that was all he really needed. That was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> bye, thanks for reading whatever this is :)


End file.
